I AM NIMESH PATEL. If you Google me, I am the first result. And most every other Nimesh Patel is a doctor. Which means if my parents Google me, they get their son, and then a list of everything they wanted their son to be. I AM NIMESH PATEL I like family, sarcasm, water, the Lakers, and dancing while drunk. I AM A WRITER I wrote for the 2016 Oscars with Chris Rock. I hope to write for you, too (if you pay me). I AM A STAND-UP COMEDIAN I say things people find funny. On stage. My idols are Larry David, Chris Rock, and Patrice O'Neal. I AM NOT AN ASSHOLE If you've not read David Foster Wallace's "This is Water," go read it. It guides a lot of my everyday life. There is more to me, but I am not unrealistic. I don't even want to write my biography, why would you want to read it? I hope you like me as a person so far.